Couples Counseling
Relationships are one of the most fundamental pillars of human happiness. We seek connection, intimacy, harmony and security through our primary bonds with the ones we hold most dear. Thus, we can feel every shade of awful when we are not getting what we need. Couples counseling can help get your relationship back on track. Are you arguing more than you want to? Has a distance between you settled in? Has there been a breach of trust? Is there some difficulty with sex? Are you questioning your commitment? Or are you proactively wanting to keep your relationship strong by learning to communicate well before problems develop?
The Basic Principles of Couple Counseling
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Relationships are Systems
When a relationship stops working well, both parties get caught up in a pattern that neither one enjoys. It is a paradox: that neither party is to blame for the problem, and yet both must play a role in the solution. Couples therapy is not about pointing out what one of you is doing wrong. It is about helping you get on the same team to change they way you communicate, so you can both feel a satisfying connection again.
Communication is Key
Given how important relationships are to our happiness, it is a wonder that our culture does so little to teach us to communicate well. Without reflection, we can easily fall into communication patterns that create a lot of misery. Often these patterns were learned long ago. Couples therapy can show you effective ways to communicate your needs and respond to your partner, so you can feel successful in the sometimes perlexing art of relationships.
Developing an “us consciousness”
Sometimes people can feel very alone, even when they are in a relationship. Instead of working together to enhance each other’s happiness, patterns of obligation, distancing, complaining, and arguing can take root. A couples therapist can help you get back to an understanding that your happiness and your partner’s happiness are closely linked. And with renewed faith in your mutual vision, you can get back on track with the dreams you had when you first chose one another.
Rebuilding Intimacy
Without attention, relationships can stagnate. Sometimes parenting or career obligations cause couples to neglect maintaining their connection. Fortunately, even if sexual attraction wanes with time, intimacy can deepen throughout a lifetime together. Couples therapy can help re-establish the goals you have for your partnership. You can become more skillful in nuturing a strong secure sense of connection. You can fell the love grow strong again.
“No Sides” Couples Therapy
Couples often fear that a therapist will side with one or the other member of a couple. Couples therapists, however, understand that relationships do not have villians and victims, or winners and losers. The goal is not to find out who is to blame for the relationship problems. The goal is to get both partners on the same team by helping them understand each other more deeply.
Recovering from an Affair
Sometimes couples come to therapy because of an affair. Trust and commitment need to be rebuilt. Healing the deeply hurt feelings is often possible. But there must be a an authentic sense of connection to base a continued partnership on. Therapy can help you both make sense of what happened, and learn how to make your relationship stronger going forward.
Request an Appointment
To Request an Appointment at Shine a Light or NPCC, please fill out this form. We respond to inquiries Monday through Friday. All inquiries we receive on the weekends or holidays will be processed the next business day. Thank you for your patience. If you need immediate services, please call 911.
Agency Inquiries
New Office in San Francisco!
Shine a Light Counseling Center is please to merge with New Perspectives Center for Counseling. NPCC has been serving the San Francisco community for thirty years. Now NPCC is transitioning to become the San Francisco site for Shine a Light. NPCC will retain its name, character and history. For information about NPCC or counseling in San Francisco:
New Perspectives Center for Counseling (link)
Emergency Contact
Shine a Light does not provide crisis services. If you have a mental health emergency, call 988 or 911. Or click here for more Crisis Resources
Telephone Contact
You can call Shine a Light at 831-996-1222, but we encourage you to use the email forms to the left. If you call, please leave the following:
- Phone number
- Preferred location
- Best times to meet
- Issue you want help with
- What insurance you have (if any)
FAX us at: 831-417-0443
Good Faith Estimate
You have the right to receive a “Good Faith Estimate” explaining how much your therapy sessions will cost. Your fee will be set according to a sliding scale, in collaboration with your therapist, prior to your first counseling session. Total costs depend upon the number of sessions you choose to utilize.
If you have private health insurance and we are not in-network with your plan, please be aware that your costs for therapy may be less by using an in-network provider. This will depend upon your plan's deductible amounts and co-payments. In some cases, counseling at Shine a Light is less costly than using private insurance.
If you hope to use "out of network" benefits through your private insurance, please be aware that many plans will not reimburse for services provided by trainees. Please request an Associate level therapists for out-of-network billing.
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